Turn It Off

  This reading was particularly difficult for me. I began it this morning only to find that I was having considerable trouble concentrating. My grandmother flew up to Missouri this weekend to visit, staying at my aunt's house. Because my aunt lives on the boarders of Columbia, I decided that it would be easier for me to spend time with her by staying at my aunt's house rather than driving to and from there 2 or so times a day.

  My grandmother, like me, is the type of person who needs constant noise. She even leaves the TV on all night while she sleeps. I'm not quite that bad, but nonetheless this morning when I began the reading, the TV was blaring. I walked around the house to different places, the noise following me wherever I went, echoing throughout the house. At last I went to the basement, as far from it as I could go, and sat on the couch trying to be mindful about the reading. By now, my attention had been strung out, and all but a few passages seemed lost on me.

  The few that stuck out were Boise's list in Step 4, and his "Quantitatively Based Indices of Progress." I found the list to basically be a pre-summary of the entire chapter, commenting on how to achieve the different steps and what to do once you have. This seems to be where I would focus my attention in this chapter. If I could only tear out one step, this would be it.

  The "Quantitatively Based Indices of Progress" intimidated me at first. The language I understand, but it is almost too wordy, too complicated, too scientific-sounding. Of course, due to the subject matter, it fits, but it still stood out to me in this way. I found myself relating to the people he described with manic, depressive symptoms. Much too often I find myself complaining "loudly of a lack of time for writing" even though I "regularly had sufficient time, at least one hour per day." Does he point out this fact just so I can relate to it, because he does not provide a solution. His method has proven useful to me, but I still feel I am not taking 100% advantage of it, for I still feel manic and short on time every day. Could it be that I am overwhelmed? How do I overcome this?

  It may even just be today. Everyone has off days. Maybe, instead of dwelling on the fact that I am overwhelmed, I will keep moving forward today. Even if I continue to feel overwhelmed, right now I am just going to keep completing things that need to be completed. Sooner or later I will stabilize by doing this. Some days I guess you just have to turn off your mind, even if you don't want to.