A Stanza and a Step Forward

  This post really doesn't have anything to do with what I am supposed to be posting about today, I just felt like writing. Normally when I write I post on this blog I am not able to listen to music while writing. I have this habit that if I know something is going to be read for grading purposes, I feel that I can't allow myself to listen to music, or have any other sort of distraction. I require greater thought before every word. In consequence, how and what I write is also affected, in pace and content. I dawn a working mood as opposed to a pleasure mood. When I write with music, what I write and how I write wither away; confidence is at my forefront, if only for a brief period.
  I am taking the initiative to write for myself because this is the first time I have had the urge to for about a year.

<poetic prose>

Is there a crack in my block,
a little more think to my thoughts,
like life winked at me,
hot and horny for anything
to do with bettering me?

</poetic prose>

  My life is moving in a totally new direction, not to somewhere unknown, but in the direction I am aiming it, and for the first time I am more excited about my future than scared. I have a plan to achieve my goals, and I have taken the first step. In my mind I have begun a list of things that I want to change, all of which are achievable. Some things are small, like flossing more, others are bigger and will take longer, like self-publishing at least 3 short stories by December 11th of this year (my 23rd birthday). These are not things I am ashamed of or critical of, rather they are things I know I can do, things I have put off, made excuses for.
  For a few years I have looked upon my life from the outside, separate from the spiral. It gained speed and no matter how viciously it tried to pull me from my stoicism, my ambivalence, I closed my eyes, turned the opposite direction. Now, I begin my process in reversing the current. I will someday stop it altogether. It must be a slow transition, due to the momentum at which it was moving towards ends I did not want. Even with my new aims, the direction still might change again, but at least it will be in one I found on my own.