A Stanza and a Step Forward

  This post really doesn't have anything to do with what I am supposed to be posting about today, I just felt like writing. Normally when I write I post on this blog I am not able to listen to music while writing. I have this habit that if I know something is going to be read for grading purposes, I feel that I can't allow myself to listen to music, or have any other sort of distraction. I require greater thought before every word. In consequence, how and what I write is also affected, in pace and content. I dawn a working mood as opposed to a pleasure mood. When I write with music, what I write and how I write wither away; confidence is at my forefront, if only for a brief period.
  I am taking the initiative to write for myself because this is the first time I have had the urge to for about a year.

<poetic prose>

Is there a crack in my block,
a little more think to my thoughts,
like life winked at me,
hot and horny for anything
to do with bettering me?

</poetic prose>

  My life is moving in a totally new direction, not to somewhere unknown, but in the direction I am aiming it, and for the first time I am more excited about my future than scared. I have a plan to achieve my goals, and I have taken the first step. In my mind I have begun a list of things that I want to change, all of which are achievable. Some things are small, like flossing more, others are bigger and will take longer, like self-publishing at least 3 short stories by December 11th of this year (my 23rd birthday). These are not things I am ashamed of or critical of, rather they are things I know I can do, things I have put off, made excuses for.
  For a few years I have looked upon my life from the outside, separate from the spiral. It gained speed and no matter how viciously it tried to pull me from my stoicism, my ambivalence, I closed my eyes, turned the opposite direction. Now, I begin my process in reversing the current. I will someday stop it altogether. It must be a slow transition, due to the momentum at which it was moving towards ends I did not want. Even with my new aims, the direction still might change again, but at least it will be in one I found on my own.

Practicing RET - For Yesterday and Today

  I'm aware that my performance on this blog has been very lackluster from the get go, and I do not deny it, and I will not make excuses for it. Recently I have not posted much, specifically information on my BDS, with yesterday as the exception, where I expressed doubt at my choices. This is unsurprising given the amount of extreme changes my life, and by extension my emotional state, has sped through in the last week. Regardless, yesterdays in-class BDS saw me reading Orson Scott Card's book How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy hoping to dispel all my reservations. Or at least that's what I thought I was doing. By the end I realized this action was almost entirely unrelated, and could not really be considered a BDS. It's official. I have maintenance problems: with this blog, with my BDS, with meditation, with everything. It's no secret why. Iv'e done more than enough explaining on that front, any anymore would be beating a dead horse, so instead I would like to put into practice Boise's RET (Rational Emotive Therapy). So, without further adieu:

A - The Activating Event

For me, the activating event occurred through our kindness meditation. Something that the voice had said stuck out at me, and really made me uncomfortable throughout the meditation. It exemplified how I was feeling at that particular moment, and circled around for the remainder of the class. I can't remember the exact wording, but she said something about thinking of, "what makes you feel bad about yourself." Dumping someone. Moving out. "How does your body feel that emotion?" In my stomach, in knots; gnawing, thrashing, violent, steel-winged butterflies tumbling around like towels in a dryer. This emotion was overpowering, and it did not make me depressed, but as much as I tried to kill it with kindness, it would not go away.

B - The Beliefs (or Irrationalities)

Here is a short list of the beliefs that went through my head:

1. I cannot concentrate now, I am much too anxious to write.
2. Do I really want to write a sci-fi story?
3. I don't feel like writing sci-fi.
4. If I don't feel like writing it, then it must not be what I am mean to write.
5. Maybe I should just pretend like I am working.
6. I can do a real BDS when I get home later and feel better.
7. I'm getting burned out with this story anyway.

C - Consequences (of Irrationalities)

Today, I can see the consequences pretty clearly. I did not write at all yesterday, breaking my internal vow. I lost self integrity, allowing myself a pass. If I allow myself one pass, more will follow, until I am blocked again. This behavior cannot be tolerated. However, beating myself up about it will not solve anything either. Going through the consequences for each of my 7 beliefs, or what I would call excuses, from yesterday could be worth looking into.

1. By allowing my concentration to be ruled by emotion, I have engaged autopilot. This belief shows that I do not wish to be mindful of this particular moment, instead letting worry and angst consume me. Is that really how I wanted my BDS to play out? It's a waste of time...
2. Yes. Of course you do. This belief os product of 1. Doubt enters because you give it the opportunity through unsettling emotions. If I did not truly want to write a sci-fi story I would not have begun it in the first place, or researched it with such fervor.
3. Again, one thing leads to another: 2 leads to 3. Let me correct this: "I don't feel like writing sci-fi right now." Of course I didn't, I was being emotional and making excuses. Just because one has a momentary aversion to complete a BDS, does not mean I can't do it anyway. Not wanting to do something doesn't make it okay not to do it, and putting it off till later fosters the belief that inspiration should rule when one writes, as well as fosters bad behavior in not completing BDS.
4. No, no, no! Again, if you add right now after both of these statements, it changes the meaning completely, showing their absurdity. It's not about how I feel or what I'm meant to write, it's about willing myself to write even when I don't feel like it. BDS are about the habit, not the content. I am letting my anxiety, which I feel on the surface, effect my self-esteem. I am a good writer, and even if what I write is crappy because I myself am feeling crappy, oh well. Doing it anyway is good practice!
5. Bad form. Now I move from belittling my self integrity to risking my integrity amongst my peers. Plus, I still end up getting nothing done. How can that be helpful? It isn't. Period.
6. Now I am just avoiding the problem, moving into denial. What makes me think that I will want to write later? That I won't let this anxiousness continue to fester? There is no guarantee I won't, so it's best to do as Nike says: "Just do it."
7. Add right now ect. 

D - Disputation

I think I actually moved into this step when I was writing out my consequences. These seem to overlap a bit. Rather than waste time reformatting, you get the picture.

E - The New Cognitive-Emotional Effect

I feel that had I actually pursued any of these excuses/beliefs, I would have found the confidence to write, and would not have hid safely behind my kindle, reading. For time purposes I must avoid a lengthy conclusion. I think I get the picture when it comes to RET and its benefits. Today in class, when we do a BDS, I will practice it in my prewriting, just as Boise says we should do, to avoid another catastrophe like yesterday...

The Trouble With Venus Is

I realize I have had some trouble with my BDS. For the past couple days I begin by free writing about a page in my notebook, by that time I start to feel uneasy, unpleasant, even though I've only been writing for about ten minutes. What I am noticing is that my urge to write a science fiction story has begun to cease a bit. The simplest explanation: I am having doubts. "But why?" I ask myself. "You know why," the voice in my head responds. "Doubt comes and goes with life. For you, one going through great change, it is inevitable." Ugh, that damn voice. So smug and secure, just because he's right! What if I don't want my story to change? It isn't like there is a deadline or a qualification to fulfill, but I feel I have invested a significant amount of time on it. To change from science fiction to fantasy now would be blasphemy! Or would it? I don't know. I'm weary of allowing my story to change itself willy nilly with the mind. That's fickle, but it could be necessary. Boise has the answer, probably.

No Question It's Depression

  Depression is something I have been battling with for years, pretty much since the first day I began to write poetry. What I wrote wasn't meant for criticism or for publication at all. For me poetry was a coping mechanism for my depression, more like a hobby. This is not to say that I didn't know at that time that I wanted to write professionally. No, I knew that at a very young age. However, depression put the urge to write fiction, and all prose in general, on indefinite hiatus. Through poetry I felt I could accurately convey my emotions while masking their inceptions, through abstract language and vague descriptions. This period of poetry lasted from ages 14 to 20ish, always coupled with feelings of anxiety and depression. Only when I became of age did the urge to write poetry begin to waver, yet depression remained. A block, it seemed, set upon me. When I read Boise's maintenance problems, I noticed many of them applied to me, unsurprisingly. I never once in 6 years asked for help with my depression. Never. To do so would be preposterous! Why did I need it with poetry by my side, comforting me, temporarily relieving my symptoms daily. If you look at my old blogs (my first one was on Myspace, my second here on blogger!), you will see somewhere close to 1,000 posts, many of them poorly written, sad poems containing overwhelming angst. Depression emanates from them, without a doubt. But because I did not feel I had a reason to ask for help, it was a problem with no solution. That it, until the current phase of my life, where I have felt creatively blocked for about a year and a half.
  Unlike Boise's assertions about depression as a reason for blocking, I now know mine stems from problems with my relationship, problems I have suppressed. My brother says that we do things like this because they are easy. It's easy to stay in a harmful relationship, avoiding the inevitable, painful end; it's easy to say you are suffering writers block, without analyzing why; it's easy to make excuses for your failures, placing blame on such ridiculous things like your cat or your car; indeed, it's easier to live on autopilot, while the problems snowball, blocking becomes a way of life, and depression rules every action. Accountability and what Boise describes as maintenance are non-realities on autopilot.
  Mindfulness and meditation, amongst a few other things, have given me power. When I began this course, my crisis hit me hard. I realized that all my unhappiness was due to a lack of a mindfulness of myself. Everyone and everything else had always come first. My problems didn't matter; I didn't matter. Just before this course began I finally gathered the courage, the self-worth, to ask for help. If I were going to get rid of my depression, I was first going to need guidance and support that came from someone anonymous. Then, as we began meditation on a daily basis, the overwhelming, cluttered, buzzing spiral in my mind slowed it's violent swirl. My mood showed signs of stabilization in the periods between meditation. Yet my stress did not cease, for my problems were not solved. It has taken the entirety of this course for me to gain any traction against them. When you have let them run your life for almost 2 years, and depression consume you for almost 8, it takes time to change. But it is possible.

Block Smashing Like Mario

  I know I mentioned self-shaming the other day in class, and todays reading for Boice has shown just how much it applies to nearly all the problems I have in my life at the moment. Couple that with yesterdays contemplative reading about judging, and it is a wonder I never noticed how big of an effect it has. I would agree with Boice and his "subjects" that blocking is intensely personal, stemmed from self-defeating behaviors that are addictive, such as what my psychologist pointed out: laziness. What makes me label myself as lazy? Why do I feel the need to be lazy in the first place? Perhaps my psychologist's explanation that I am lazy because I label myself as lazy does not solve it entirely. She has given me the X intentionally, but I have to finish the equation on my own. I can choose to be lazy, but why do I choose it? The same could be said about blocking. Earlier in the course, in my first blog post, I mentioned that I had taken a creative writing poetry course which I believed caused me to cease writing poetry. Now, having read Boice and talked to a psychologist, I realize that categorizing the professor as the problem is only part of the answer. Blaming is easy, it relinquishes our responsibility at examining ourselves and dealing with things. I allowed her to make writing hell, instead of talking with her, explaining that I found her methods a hinderance to my creativity, I remained passive, silent. That act is a form of blocking. Silence solved nothing, passiveness solved nothing. Over time blame produced nearly every one of Boice's bad habits in Rule #15.
  Of course, these habits are not formed from one isolated incident. The professor is only one factor out of many. I mention it to argue that not only do we have to be mindful, notice our self-destructive habits, but evaluate them in order to move on to eradicating them. Actually, I think Boice mentions this as one of his methods for unblocking through "insight therapies." To be honest, I have not looked up whether or not insight therapy is anything like psychoanalysis. Even if it is entirely different, what I gather from the past few readings of Boice is that we are what facilitates and allows blocking, and therefore only we can solve it.

A Comparison of Boise's Explanation of Contingency to How I Met Your Mother's "Slap Bet"

  Boise's assertions over contingencies seemed rather extreme at first, particularly writing a check and giving it to a third party. I am not sure I could stomach a contingency that great. This reading actually reminded me of something an old roommate of mine showed me on the show How I Met Your Mother. It was called the "Slap Bet," though we used a slightly altered version of it. Basically, in the show, two people make a bet and the winner of the bet gets to slap the loser. For our purposes, we created a written contract listing a reasonable amount of homework and housework that I needed to complete in order to prevent being slapped. It was signed by both me and my roommate and taped to the wall, where it remained for a weekend, taunting me to complete everything for fear of being slapped. For me, that is how I view the concept of contingencies: as a scare tactic. I completely agree that they work in the short term, but if you constantly lived in fear of being slapped, or having your money given to something you hate, the contingencies become less important and undermine, rather than encourage, good writing habits. In our case, the slap bet was used only due to the disastrous state of our apartment and the overwhelming amount of homework that needed to be completed.

  

Turn It Off

  This reading was particularly difficult for me. I began it this morning only to find that I was having considerable trouble concentrating. My grandmother flew up to Missouri this weekend to visit, staying at my aunt's house. Because my aunt lives on the boarders of Columbia, I decided that it would be easier for me to spend time with her by staying at my aunt's house rather than driving to and from there 2 or so times a day.

  My grandmother, like me, is the type of person who needs constant noise. She even leaves the TV on all night while she sleeps. I'm not quite that bad, but nonetheless this morning when I began the reading, the TV was blaring. I walked around the house to different places, the noise following me wherever I went, echoing throughout the house. At last I went to the basement, as far from it as I could go, and sat on the couch trying to be mindful about the reading. By now, my attention had been strung out, and all but a few passages seemed lost on me.

  The few that stuck out were Boise's list in Step 4, and his "Quantitatively Based Indices of Progress." I found the list to basically be a pre-summary of the entire chapter, commenting on how to achieve the different steps and what to do once you have. This seems to be where I would focus my attention in this chapter. If I could only tear out one step, this would be it.

  The "Quantitatively Based Indices of Progress" intimidated me at first. The language I understand, but it is almost too wordy, too complicated, too scientific-sounding. Of course, due to the subject matter, it fits, but it still stood out to me in this way. I found myself relating to the people he described with manic, depressive symptoms. Much too often I find myself complaining "loudly of a lack of time for writing" even though I "regularly had sufficient time, at least one hour per day." Does he point out this fact just so I can relate to it, because he does not provide a solution. His method has proven useful to me, but I still feel I am not taking 100% advantage of it, for I still feel manic and short on time every day. Could it be that I am overwhelmed? How do I overcome this?

  It may even just be today. Everyone has off days. Maybe, instead of dwelling on the fact that I am overwhelmed, I will keep moving forward today. Even if I continue to feel overwhelmed, right now I am just going to keep completing things that need to be completed. Sooner or later I will stabilize by doing this. Some days I guess you just have to turn off your mind, even if you don't want to.

Boise (pp. 64-72) - Today's Gameplan

 Finally, I feel I am ready for this step. My plot needs constructing, and my listing and collecting continues, but that will always be true, no matter how long I wait. This was my first question upon beginning to read Step 3, and was addressed in point 5. I agree, as much to Boise surprise as my own, that I should not wait. It may feel uncomfortable, but I know that if I do, I will never feel ready to start. This sentiment seems to be cropping up a lot in my life lately, especially with regard to this course. Meditate even if you know you won't succeed. How do you know when you determine whether or not you succeed? Write even when there isn't much to write about, the act of writing will help. So many things require that we aren't ready for them for us to actually BE ready for them.
  For example, yesterday I began a beginners riding course to learn how to ride a motorcycle. Sitting on one for the first time, looking at all the complicated controls, the engine cut-off, the clutch and gear shifter, front brake, rear brake, ignition, ect. overwhelmed me. But there wasn't time to feel that way, we had to learn, and by the third time my bike jumped as I tried to shift from neutral into first gear without pulling in the clutch, I had learned not to do that. When you jump into something, like writing, or in the case of step 3, outlining, mistakes are going to be made, but unlike on riding a motorcycle, you will not die from them. You will learn something 99% of the time.
 Unlike Boise's "subjects" I trust outlines, most times making them when working on a paper, so this, too, is not new for me. I find his to be much more in-depth than mine are, so I endeavor to create one as long and detailed as is possible at this phase of my story's development. It is likely to change the more information I continue to collect, but having one, and one with great detail, will help. During our in-class BDS today, I will put off my research, instead focusing on Steps 2 and 3.

The Problem wWith Energy Is...

  Due to my exceedingly hectic schedule for the next couple of days, I unfortunately am unable to meet with a physics professor to discuss time and energy regarding interstellar travel. As this is the next phase in my research, it leaves me fairly stranded until next Monday. Rather than waiting, I began a google search to at least attempt to find an answer on my own. Once again Wikipedia saved the day, being the first to pop up with the tag interstellar travel. I immediately skimmed down to the "Required Energy" section, and my story was dealt a serious blow. Wikipedia wagered that "accelerating one ton to one-tenth of the speed of light requires at least 450 PJ or 4.5 ×10¹⁷ J or 125 billion kWh, without factoring in efficiency of the propulsion mechanism." One ton is only a small fraction of the mass an inter-planetary spaceship would require, in my opinion at least. I propose that an adequate spaceship have the mass of a skyscraper, or about 330,000 tons. Therefore, my poor math skills calculated that the energy required to accelerate a spaceship with a mass of 330,000 tons to one tenth the speed of light would be:

(3.3 x 10⁵)(4.5 x 10¹⁷) = 14.85 x 10²² Joules

  "Now, what do these numbers mean?" I asked myself. To figure this out, I did another search for the energy outputs on nuclear weapons. Again, wikipedia saves the day! Orders of magnetude contained exactly what I needed, allowing me perspective on the hurdle facing my story. My conclusion was that a ship would need somewhere between the "estimated total energy released by the magnitude 9.1–9.3 2004 Indian Ocean Earthquake" and the "approximate energy released in the formation of the Chicxulub Crater in the Yucatán Peninsula" or, in other words, enough energy to make the dinosaurs extinct or at least create a very destructive tsunami.

  At last some great headway, yet at the same time I now must backtrack. The calculations on my previous post had only calculated travel times associated with one fourth the speed of light, not one tenth! Recalculations were in order so- damn, time was up! No notes were needed to remember that for my next session I would need to enter in 108,000,000 km/hr into my equation: Time = Distance/Speed for each planet on my list.

  Even without actually carrying out the calculations, I can infer that travel within our solar system is indeed possible, so long as we can find a way to generate such an amount of energy. Like I keep saying, however, I am no physicist and cannot readily provide a solution, theory, or hypothesis, but I can entertain uneducated guesses and fantasies. And it still would not hurt to discuss them with a professional. So, until next time, "So long space cowboy!" - Cowboy Bebop (1997).

Maps? Diagrams? What Am I an Artist?

  Contrary to what my title suggests, I look forward to the exercises mentioned by Boise in "Step 2: Shaping ideas into imagination." In my previous post, or my BDS for yesterday, although it was entered today as I am consistently showing to be behind, provided a map of the solar system for reference. I am not by nature an astronomer, nor a mathematician, yet I felt a good visualization, as well as knowledge of the distances needed to be travelled, were the foundation of this step. Now, as long as it is possible for a space ship to travel at 1/4 the speed of light, I can begin drawing up timetables and/or schedules of departure and arrival times at selected planets. Also, the current Earth-central timescale would not work for travel to different worlds. Either planet-specific timescales would need to be created, or a solar-system wide timescale. These are perfect candidates for this exercise, though are not able to be acted upon just yet. I still must consult with a physicist in order to discuss feasibility.

Possible or Preposterous, Only Einstein Knows

  In class, my BDS were focused still on the researching phase. I feel like I've opened with that line for every BDS post! Information, in this case, is helping me to form a realistic, believable story, much of which is still only facts at this point. Where do I go for constructing a plot after all this is done? I feel like things will take more shape with every detail.
  I found myself accumulating all of these different theories about terraforming and colonizing planets and moons in our solar system, without first having an idea of how the solar system works. So the first place I went to was one of my biggest sources: NASA. I clicked on their simulator, which immediately bumped me out due to a server error. Frustrated, I tried again, this time realizing I had put in the wrong perimeters. I resubmitted them a few times. With each one the image was horribly black, grainy, and didn't tell me much. It was like looking at a computer program from 1992, pretty unintuitive. So I began another google search, determined to find an interactive model, one that showed the planets orbiting and at least an idea of the distances between them. I stumbled upon the Solar System Scope, which I fumbled around with for the remainder of our in class BDS session, typing up some observations, and writing down some things I needed to look up, or work out mathematically.
  Later that night I resumed where I had left off looking up the following: the speed of light, the distance of each planet from Earth, and the basics of Einstein's theory of relativity. The distances, when each planet is at it's closest point to Earth, are as follows:

Venus: 40 Million kilometers
Mars: 65 Million kilometers
Jupiter: 588 Million kilometers
Saturn: 1.2 Billion kilometers
Uranus: 2.52 Billion kilometers
Neptune: 4.3 Billion kilometers
Pluto: 4.28 Billion kilometers

The speed of light is:
300,000 kilometers per Second
1,080,000,000 kilometers per Hour

What I concluded, with my very rudimentary understanding of Einstein's theory of relativity (mostly due to what the internet has told me, I am no physicist!) is that traveling at or near the speed of light is impossible as t would require infinite energy. Instead, I proposed that one might be able to travel at 1/4 the speed of light. Thus I divided 1,080,000,000 by 4 to get 27,000,000 km/hr. Now, the formula used to get my answers was Time = Distance/Speed. Using this formula I received the following travel times for each planet:

Venus: 0.14 Hours
Mars: 0.24 Hours
Jupiter: 2.17 Hours
Saturn: 4.44 Hours
Uranus: 9.33 Hours
Neptune: 15.92 Hours
Pluto: 15.85 Hours

Once these numbers were calculated, my time was up, a fact that I was not at all dissatisfied with. I now find that I am making great headway on my story. Provided that terraforming is possible, but light speed or faster-than-light speed travel is not, our solar system would be pretty much the only option for colonization. Even if terraforming too is not possible, that would not completely hinder mankind's efforts at colonization. At any rate, the next step for my story is to speak with a physicist about the amount of energy required to speed a spacecraft up to 1/4 the speed of light. Is that also impossible? What is the proposed limit on propulsion that a spacecraft can handle? What insight can they provide?

All these questions, and more, might be answered soon. Stay tuned!

Between Love and War - Last Nights BDS

  I opened at least twenty tabs in my internet browser last night, scouring MU's databases for proposals of interstellar colonization. Nothing really came to light. Before I began my search I had began to take Geoffrey A. Landis' proposal about floating cities above Venus' dense atmosphere seriously. According to Wikipedia, whose sources I have yet to entirely verify, because of the large amount of carbon dioxide in Venus' atmosphere, a light structure filled with breathable oxygen would float above the clouds. In an article for Universe Today, Landis explains why colonization of the surface of Venus is largely impractical: the thick atmosphere causes a greenhouse effect, making the temperature below the clouds hot enough to melt lead; Venus does not contain any water; a day on Venus is considerable longer than an Earth day (one Venetian day is the equivalent of  243 Earth days). Carl Sagan proposes that these obstacles could be overcome through a process called terraforming, which the Oxford English Dictionary defines as "the process of transforming a planet into one sufficiently similar to the earth to support terrestrial life," however the amount of time, energy, and supplies necessary to complete the terraforming of Venus make it impossible in the near future.

  It is obvious I am still in the "collecting" stage of my story, inwardly debating at what degree Venus should be colonized. Aesthetically, floating cities fascinate the imagination, but in all practicality, there are great dangers associated with them. The real question for my story is when it is possible to terraform Venus, would we also have the technology to travel faster than the speed of light? If so, this would make terraforming Venus, or even constructing floating cities, irrelevant. Why waste the time and resources? Other potentially Earth-like planets have been discovered, which we would be able to travel to instantaneously.

  Therefore I then focused my research on faster-than-light (FTL) travel. By this point it had been well past thirty minutes and I realized that any further research would overwhelm me, especially that which dealt with Einstein's theory of Relativity, wormholes, warp-speed, and  general bending and stretching of space. I resolved to return to this idea, as well as consider alternatives to Venus, such as Mars, or the Jovian System (the Moons of Jupiter). For now, it seemed war had triumphed over love. As much as I adored Landis' idea of floating cities on Venus, putting it into practice in my writing seemed unnecessary without first considering the alternatives. Next stop: Mars.

Fact or Fiction: What Does the Research Say?

  Having just finished pages 43 through 50 of Boise, I find my previous post to be intriguing. For me, I find that my ideas cannot form at all without careful research. I say careful because, as we all know, the internet contains so much false information.

  Since my first Major course at MU, I have come to appreciate the value of reputable sources one can find on online databases through the library. However, because of the sheer volume available, one must develop a system much like what Boise proposes, of searching and sifting, yet in a more deadline-oriented nature. So, I find the best way to begin "collecting" is to do a google search related to my topic. Wikipedia is usually the first website listed and, provided that it remains barely relevant to my interest, I click it and begin scanning different sections for information. Whatever I find that is relevant, I mentally and/or physically list, afterwards migrating to the bottom of the page to consult the sources. Those that are books are usually first on my list to be consulted- relevant passages will show themselves in the table of contents.

  My previous post more or less contains this act, providing links to both NASA and Wikipedia. I find it interesting to see that Boise mentions this process, albeit in a different form. Each person has to develop their own process of collecting information, analyzing and categorizing it in a different way. Boise's "Methods for translating notetaking into imagination" provide several approches I had not considered, namely "the double-entry" and "gist -and-list" methods. For the next stages in my research, I intend to use these to analyze what I find, organizing the facts in a way I have not done before.

  One of the testimonies that Boise provides in this section does not line up with what I have come to realize as a writer. This writer argues on page 46 that "Science fiction writing is bounded only by the imagination, not by borrowing from other writers." A healthy, active imagination does not guarantee success in any genre, nor does an over-reliance on outside ideas. There must be cohesion between the two in order for the plot to logically function. For example, I plan to propose the colonization of the planet Venus in my science fiction short story. Were I to rely more on my own imagination, the story would take side more with fiction and could invoke criticism from readers with a scientific, fact-oriented preference. Alternatively, if I borrowed too heavily from sources such as Carl Sagan and Paul Birch, the story could quickly become as dry and cumbersome as an automotive manual, potentially alienating readers witha preference for fantasy. Writers are not required to take too heavily into consideration their audience, but there are pros and cons to every facet involved in constructing a story.

  Boise's methods attempt to alleviate this conundrum, facilitating discussion and debate, with others and with oneself, throughout the entire writing process. I look forward to experimenting with and expanding on them, finding what is right for me and my story. 

BDS on the OVN

Brief       on
Daily                Over-
Session    the    Night


*A disclaimer: I wrote the Forward of this post the night of Wednesday, July 3rd. All else was written throughout today: Monday, July 8th. It is long, and wordy, yet I find myself wishing to  use these posts as a place to practice what I am to do in my project while completing the assignments. Hopefully they will not be as unnecessarily verbose as this entry. When it comes to a blog, I find myself writing in a certain way. That will probably become more apparent as my posts mount.

Forward
In Other Words, The Beginning; In Other Words, I Dont Know What to Write

  The word "Daily" in the title of this post is deceiving. Tonight I am working the overnight shift for work, an unusual occurrence for a weeknight. A recap of the events leading up to this Brief "Nightly" Session warrant some scrutiny, to provide a backdrop for the circumstances in which I planned and wrote throughout it. 
  This morning my boss shot me a text asking if I wanted the shift, which normally spans from 10:30pm to 8:30am or 9:30am depending on the night, however tonight would end at 6:30am. After a short deliberation amongst myself and my significant other, with whom I work at the same agency, it was decided that I would agree to gain some easy cash and give my over-worked boss a break before independence day.
  My afternoon, therefore, was spent with a large pillow over my head to block out the sun's cheerful rays. It also served to dampen the sound of my cat scampering around catching any spider or beetle foolish enough to cross his excellent line of site. Needless to say, there was not more than an hour of sleep to be had.
  By 5pm I was at the headquarters of my agency, attending a required annual Crisis Prevention (CPI) recertification training. Still sleepy from my pitiful, tossy-turny nap, I found myself zoning out at any deviation from the curriculum. Stories of my coworker's experiences at work simply did nothing to jog the fog from my brain, no matter how longingly they craved all eyes and ears at their disposal. I had need of sleep under my belt before my shift, damnit! Afterwards a fast food dinner was in order before I unsuccessfully snatched at Z's hovering around my bed, the cat purring close by, taunting me with his lazy, relaxed breathing... Show off. Just before my shift, clinging desperately to my Mizzou-clad thermos, I sipped hazelnut flavored coffee while packing up my my bag for the night: Cellphone, Chargers, Coffee, Jacket, Keys, Kindle, Laptop, Notebook, Pens, Wallet? Check times nine.
  Stuck my key in my Jeeps ignition, drove the 2 miles to where I would be working, pressed the intercom to enter, walked briskly to the elevator, pressed up and then the button next to eight, got out of the elevator, walked down one hall, turned a corner, walked into the open door of the room and- what? Wrong room. Hurried to the next one, where the door was closed, opened it hurriedly and launched into explanations of my embarrassment to my coworker at having walked into the wrong room.
  After a few more moments of conversation, well-wishes for the night and whatnot, I began my shift, during which I immediately pulled out my computer and began tonights Brief "Nightly" Session.

Part I
A Reluctance to Accept a Lack of Inspiration

   A few lights blinked faintly near the hospital bed in the room, and the high pitched hiss of oxygen, coming from a face mask, mingled with the slow, regular inhalations of my client, calming me as I opened Google Chrome. The internet welcomed me with a bright screen, at which I stared, sipping stale, cold coffee, paralyzed in the glare. Between our last class and this point, many thoughts had circled through my head regarding the topic of my project. Romance, fantasy, and science-fiction all vied for my attention, from which subsets of satire, realism, post-modernism, ect. branched, overwhelming me. Therefore I began to postpone my session, glancing at the clock, labeling my indecision as a lack of inspiration, and a product of ignorance. An hour passed by, during which I cleared my mind, not through meditation, but through un-productive googling. It was not until about midnight that the session truly took place, spanning until around two o'clock in the morning, through about five twenty minute stretches.
  The genesis of the genre of my short-story came not from inspiration, but from research on the first of my list of potential genres: science fiction. "How do I begin?" I muttered to myself, "Where does it take place? Space obviously, but where in space and, less importantly, when?"

Part II

For Consideration: My Brain as the Setting for the Setting Argument

  <Self talk> Do not waste time creating a completely new planet. As a newcomer to short story writing, it is best to focus on locations that can be adequately researched so plot details need not be considered by my logic alone. Research should thus be limited to the solar system. As such, here are just a few things I should consider: </Self Talk>

• What are viable locales for human habitations within the solar system?
• What makes them viable?
• Where are they in relation to each other/Earth?
• What are the logistics of habitation?
• How in-depth should this short story delve?

First stop: NASA: Our Solarsystem

A list of potentially habitable planets and moons was necessary:

• Moon of Earth
• Venus
• Mars
• Moons of Jupiter:
• Io
• Europa
• Ganymede
• Callisto
• Moons of Saturn:
• Titan
• Enceladus
• Moons of Uranus:
• Oberon
• Titania
• Moons of Neptune:
• Triton
• Dwarf Planets:
• Pluto
• Charon
• Ceres

  At this stage my time was more than up.  A nurse had also entered the room, providing the perfect opportunity to clear the buzzing in my head. I rose from my chair, asking him a series of questions about my client, who lay deep in slumber. He answered as he worked, an air of impatience in his tone at what he no doubt deemed ignorance on my part. I hid my irritation at his lack of empathy, for the similarity of our jobs should have been more than apparent. A few minutes later another nurse arrived, saying something about taking blood samples. A needle was procured, along with a cotton ball and tape to cover the tiny incision. Of couse, my client then awoke at being suddenly poked in the arm, having not heard both nurses softly warning her of the incoming prick. It was obvious they were the ones who were ignorant: my client, in her old age, was nearly deaf. For the next half an hour my laptop lay closed on the chair, all my considerations drifting away as I assisted my client with becoming comfortable so she could return to her dreams. Hospitals clearly were not her favorite place.

Part III

In Which There Are No Results

  At just past one o'clock the nurses had gone and my client had just begun breathing heavily again. I allowed myself to slip bak in my chair, continuing my research. Looking at my list of planets and their moons in our solar system. Reviewing their information on NASA, I noted that the amount of information on most interplanetary destinations within our solar system is relatively scarce. Most images are from satellites passing by rather than from the surface. I have to admit, I was intrigued by the mystery, which led me to my second stop: Wikipedia.

  If one enters "Space Colonization" into Wikipedia, many on the planets and moons on my list are mentioned. The combination of information from both websites was overwhelming to think about and maintain. I found myself struggling to ascertain the sheer volume of idiosyncratic characteristics of all the possibilities while questioning just how viable each one was. Although many scientists had conjured hypothetical proposals for colonization of, say Ganymede and Titan, no such technology currently exists to make it possible. How far in the future must a story take place in order for humanity to successfully maintain a population on an interplanetary destination, and how would they keep contact with each other. How would they travel between them? Many answers, and new questions, rose from each passing paragraph; however it also became clear that there was not enough time to realize a fully formed idea in this session. I had a some basic evidence, but no results and therefore no hypothesis on which the backbone of my plot could rest.

  Yet through my strained gaze at the glare emenating from my computer screen, I found myself strangely drawn to several links littering the Wikipedia page for "Space Colonization," namely the "Colonization of Venus" and the "Colonization of Mars." I made a mental note to return to these sites at my next session for my time was up; any more research in my current session would not adhere to its "Brief" nature.

  My attention thus shifted to each task in front of me for the remainder of my shift. In the back of my mind, interest remained peaked, at times wandering to aesthetic renditions of each world so different from out own. These vivid images my mind painted drew me closer to the topic I had so nonchalantly chosen to research first, concentrating on an ever-changing plot.

  Hourly, a knock was heard on the door of the room, signaling the entrance of the night nurse who took different measurements with every visit. I took these opportunities to make awkward attempts at conversation aimed at receiving information about the condition of my client. My intentions were to relay any findings to my supervisor in the hope that they would be of some use. Yet, like the development of my short-story, the night proved slow, lacking any sign for better or worse, no results on which anything but speculation could occur.

A first, but not really.

  I am coming to this class having not written much poetry outside of a couse at MU for quite some time. When I first moved to college I wrote about every other day, sometimes less depending on my mood. I was what most people picture when they think of a writer: I sat in the coffeeshop blogging poems, doing homework, reading ect. for hours, only stopping for more coffee, food, or fatigue. Contrary to what Boise explains in his first chapter, my writing was purely for pleasure at that point. As a freshmen I was a pre-journalism major with only one course that required any sort of writing: English 1000. I don't remember much about it other than the fact that I had never written an argumentative essay before (damn you Texas education!) and that it was at 8am. Thus, because the majority of my writing was self-centered there was no critic or audience to whom it was catered. I wrote with a freedom that has now since diminished.

  When I changed my major to English, my classes became more obviously reading and writing based. The more frequent papers became, the more difficult I found them- even one's that should have been easy. However, I continued to write poetry in my free time, endeavoring that I would make it my emphasis, so as to learn how to improve or, to do as Boise says, to move it into a more social setting. My first poetry course went well. Our assignments rarely had much direction so I was able to continue writing in my comfort zone. Furthermore, we were require to write daily "observations" to blackboard. They could be in the form to small poems, or thoughts or observations from the day, anything that counted as writing and could in some way invoke creativity. This was exceptionally helpful, and is something I wish more professors would do.

  My second poetry course was not so casual. Our professor was a complete foil of my previous poetry professor, assigning ridiculously complicated prompts each invoking a different form of poetry: sonnets, villanelles, "a 12-15 line poem that is a metaphysical conceit for a human abstraction based on the skeletal structure of a mammal." This rigidity greatly hindered my creativity, causing me to feel revolted at how strained and unfocused my poems became. In class we would read them aloud and critique them together and mine rarely was given any positive feedback. 4 months later I felt hard pressed to write anything at all for fear someone somewhere would take one look at it, scoff, and ramble on about how horrible it was. Poetry just wasn't fun anymore. Fast forward to now, and the sentiment remains.

  Since my next poetry course, which incidentally completes my emphasis, begins this fall, I find our exercises in this course about mindfulness to come at a perfect time. Reading through Boice I find myself having trouble at slowing down, focusing on every word rather than skimming through the paragraphs as we tend to do as English majors. I found myself identifying with the testimonies he provides, though. I think, "Thank God I'm not alone!" At some point every writer must face a block, and it is interesting to hear that waiting for creativity is not the answer.

  As for our in class meditations, I'm not unfamiliar with meditating. Although I have not done it on a specified regimen, I have attempted it before, with varying results. Mostly I would lay on the floor, or in bed, getting comfortable and attempt to clear my mind completely. I would never succeed, of course, and deemed all attempts as complete failures. It is nice to know that that is not true, and to have a guide who helps revert your attention back on the act of meditation. On my own, without anything but the internet, focusing was nearly impossible, and my meditations only succeeded in making me sleepy. It's good to know how to begin doing it on my own outside of class, as it really serves as an addicting calm.